Saying good bye?

[Lucky Chaos]

I have to say I really feel for the dogs in this situation. They've grown up and lived together their whole lives, its completely unfair to seperate them. I couldn't imagine seperating mine, they'd be heartbroken. Even shelters usually adopt out dogs together instead of seperating bonded pairs. Its too bad you decided so quickly.

[courtnek]

ok I have to say this, in DALS defense...how may of you have gone thru a non-amicable divorce? I did, and the dogs werent the issue. my son was. people get stupid in these situations, and nothing will change that.
she appears to have found a decent home for the pup, she cant take the dog with her.

I almost lost my HOUSE due to my ex not paying his child support...divorce is nasty and ugly....but sometimes it has to happen.
Should she spend her life with a man she no longer loves, and no longer wants to live with, bcause of the dog? should **I**have, because of our son? I dont think so...none of us know the whole situation. dont be so quick to judge unless you've been there please...

be real people. shit happens. sometimes you have to do the best you can in the WORST of circumstances...

[Malamum]

Guys, settle down a little huh……..

My original concern was only with DAL saying that she didn't think she could handle keeping Zoe because she was Justin's. My only concern was that if Justin couldn't/wouldn't keep her then that's not a sufficient enough reason for DAL not to.

However with that said, if Zoe is Justin's dog then of course Justin has to be given the option of keeping her. And if his parents are prepared to look after her in his absence then I don't think it's that much of an issue as long as Zoe will get the care and attention she needs. Of course splitting the dogs up may or may not be ideal (none of us know how attached to each other they are) but I don't think it's the end of the world. Dogs are adaptable - I don't think either of mine would curl up and die if they were separated from each other.

As long as one of the options isn't taking Zoe to a shelter and that DAL is open to continuing to care for Zoe if Justin can't /won't then I don't really have an issue.

[Malamum]

[quote name='AllAmericanPUP']and what happens to the dog when justin cant keep it??
oh wait, thats right, you dont care :roll:[/quote]

Ok, that was a bit out of line wasn't it. You don't even know Justin what makes you think he is not going to want to keep Zoe? I think you are just having a dig for the sake of it.

Also, the other side of this is that DAL has no right to take a dog halfway across the country if she technically belongs to somone else.

[AllAmericanPUP]

[quote name='Jessashelony']Ok... This may not be a popular opinion... But hey... when is mine ever?

My problem is that when Justin first left for Iraq DAL was already looking for a way or a reason to get rid of Zoey, so it's no surprise to me at all...[/quote]

indeed :(

[Guest Anonymous]

Zoey is Justins dog. and has sent me an email saying that there is no way in hell i'm going to take zoey from him.. he said his parents are going to watch after her until he gets home, and he is undecided as to stay in the army or not, but if he does he said his parents will take care of her, and justin can see her on the weekends, as he goes home every weekend. they are fully aware that she is their responsiblility and they nkow how to care for her etc. We are already fighting over other things as well. But zoey was #1 on his list of things that he will not allow me to take, even if i could.

[Guest Anonymous]

[quote name='IlBLisSlI']you were trying to get rid of his dog before you were trying to devorce him numbnutz. quit trying to avoid the subject.

edit: before you deny it, [url]http://forum.dogomania.com/viewtopic.php?t=16439[/url][/quote]

im not denying it.. numbnutz

[Malamum]

Yeah but she didn't. However, now that she is leaving Justin and moving, some decisions need to be made. If Justin wants to keep Zoe and have his parents look after her while he is away and that arrangement is what DAL wants - then everyone is happy. Why is it such a big deal to everyone here? It's better than them fighting over her.

[DogPaddle]

So if she was trying to get rid of the dog before, she should keep it know that she is getting divorced from the guy who wants it? I think Zoey would probably be happier and better off with Justin's parents. If they are going to keep her NO MATTER what and if Justin has the option of keeping his dog - great.

As for DAL, I disagree with you fairly often and on a point or two in this whole thing but I DEFINATELY understand needing to do what you need to do to get out of an unhappy relationship. And from what you are telling us you have a solid commitment for proper care for Zoey so as far as I'm concerned - Justin's parents are a good option.

[JackieMaya]

[quote name='Malamum']Guys, settle down a little huh……..

My original concern was only with DAL saying that she didn't think she could handle keeping Zoe because she was Justin's. My only concern was that if Justin couldn't/wouldn't keep her then that's not a sufficient enough reason for DAL not to.

However with that said, if Zoe is Justin's dog then of course Justin has to be given the option of keeping her. And if his parents are prepared to look after her in his absence then I don't think it's that much of an issue as long as Zoe will get the care and attention she needs. Of course splitting the dogs up may or may not be ideal (none of us know how attached to each other they are) but I don't think it's the end of the world. Dogs are adaptable - I don't think either of mine would curl up and die if they were separated from each other.

As long as one of the options isn't taking Zoe to a shelter and that DAL is open to continuing to care for Zoe if Justin can't /won't then I don't really have an issue.[/quote]

My sentiments exactly! Give DAL a break, she's doing the best she can while going through a divorce. Justin even said she can't have Zoey, and his parents said they will take care of her, and she's known his parents her whole life.

[Horsefeathers!]

I know I'm in the minority, but from all I can read, even in the other thread posted by Drew, I don't think that sending Zoey to live with the in-laws is the worst thing that could happen to her. She would be living with people that she's already comfortable with as opposed to complete strangers, and I believe she would probably adjust fine to being away from the other dogs. From what I perceive in the past thread, Zoey doesn't seem that closely bonded to DAL as she is to Justin.

I've never been through a divorce or had to fight out "property" with a significant other, so I can't possibly offer input on that. Unless y'all know something I don't (which is entirely possible since I'm always the last to know anything), I'm just not convinced it's going to be that devastating for Zoey to live with Justin's parents if they're agreeing to care for her properly and Justin still wants her, especially since she's already well acquainted with them. The divorce issue aside, it looks like a suitable arrangement for everyone, especially Zoey. :niewiem:

[DogPaddle]

[quote]I just think it's stupid that she would want to get rid of the dog before all of this and now that she's leaving the hubby she wants a pity parade because she "can't keep zoey".[/quote]
Granted if she wanted to send Zoey away before I can't see her being all broken up over it now. However, giving her a small benefit of doubt - maybe its all the stress and emotional upheaval of the divorce that has her upset rather than actually sending Zoey to Justin's parents?

[DogPaddle]

[quote] It’s 100% her choice. *shrug*[/quote]

I guess. I've never been through a divorce so maybe it's different. I've always been the dumper and it never broke me up toooo much, although in one case I really felt bad for the poor guy but there isn't too much you can do about that.

[JackieMaya]

[quote name='IlBLisSlI'][quote name='DogPaddle'][quote]I just think it's stupid that she would want to get rid of the dog before all of this and now that she's leaving the hubby she wants a pity parade because she "can't keep zoey".[/quote]
Granted if she wanted to send Zoey away before I can't see her being all broken up over it now. However, giving her a small benefit of doubt - maybe its all the stress and emotional upheaval of the divorce that has her upset rather than actually sending Zoey to Justin's parents?[/quote]


lol she's the one leaving him. Not the other way around. Really has no right to get upset about it. It’s 100% her choice. If it was her getting dumped I can imagine there may be some sort of abandonment issues that she’s trying to work out but that’s not the case. *shrug*[/quote]

Oh, so because she's the one initiating the divorce there shouldn't be any stress or emotional upheaval? What a typical thing for a guy to say.

[Malamum]

[quote]lol she's the one leaving him. Not the other way around. Really has no right to get upset about it. It’s 100% her choice. If it was her getting dumped I can imagine there may be some sort of abandonment issues that she’s trying to work out but that’s not the case. *shrug*[/quote]

Grow up - this isn't two high school kids and one telling the other that they are dropped.

This is a life altering decision and of course DAL has a right to be upset and of course she is going to be. Just because she has decided that her life needs to go in a different direction to Justin's it doesn't mean she will not be upset about it. Most people stay in an unhappy situation and plod along because that is the easiest thing to do. I applaud DAL's courage to take charge of her life and do what she needs to do to be happy. Just because she was the decision maker, it doesn't make her a bad person or mean that she has done something wrong.

[JackieMaya]

[quote]I’m not saying she shouldn't get out of this situation. If she's unhappy then she should divorce. More power to her. I’m asking HER not you or anyone else on the forum, why she feels the need to leave right now and completely screw him over so that he loses the house. Like I said in a previous post, if she wants to move on and date other people it's not like anyone is going to be there to hold her back from doing so, so why not just stay around for a few months.
I also want to know why she expects pity and support for having to get rid of zoey when she didn't want the dog in the first place. Again these are questions for her not you.[/quote]

Obviously you haven't read DAL's responses. And have you ever thought that maybe she doesn't want to stay there until Justin gets back because she doesn't want to see him? You are such a naive little boy.

[Malamum]

I wasn't really trying to answer for DAL, I just took exception to the attitude that just because she is the one leaving that she shouldn't have a care in the world and that she has no right to be upset.

Just because someone does something that needs to be done it doesn’t mean that it's not upsetting or stressful. I guess this situation just hit a little to close to home for me as I am going through something similar.

DAL matey, I'll leave you to answer Drew's questions. I just wanted to let you know that although I don't always agree with everything you say or do, when I do I'll say so and support you.

[Guest Anonymous]

thansk Mal adn JM.

drew as for leaving so soon.. becuase i have no family in this state, and going through all of this i want to be close to family. he can't have the house anyways. in order to keep a house on post you have to be married. once they find out that we're getting a divorce they kick him out of the house anyways. he has to move in to the barracks along with all the other single soldiers. they dont get to live in the houses on post as they are for families.

I'm doing all this to get outta here becuase i dont want to drag this whole process out longer then it needs to be. and that's all i saw. i dont nkow you and dont feel i should have to tell you every little personal detail about my opinon on what i'm doing.
as for me being sad over Zoey. of course i'm upset about the whole thing. We've never really bonded but it's still going to be hard to see her leave and not have her sleeping at the foot of my bed everynight. she's lived here for almost 3 years so it's going to be very hard to wake up one day and have her not be here .

satisfied? back off now

[DogPaddle]

[quote]he can't have the house anyways.[/quote]
Just a curiosity about housing procedures:
If a soldier is divorced or starts a divorce while out of the country does he loose the house right away. What if it wasn't an amicable divorce? Who moves his stuff?
I understand if you don't feel up to answering, I was just curious.

[tx2478]

[quote name='DogPaddle'][quote]he can't have the house anyways.[/quote]
Just a curiosity about housing procedures:
If a soldier is divorced or starts a divorce while out of the country does he loose the house right away. What if it wasn't an amicable divorce? Who moves his stuff?
I understand if you don't feel up to answering, I was just curious.[/quote]

I have not been divorced but i do live in housing and you are supposed to give a 30 day notice before you leave or they will charge you a fee and i think they might let him come home to clear himself with or without her but DAL would know more when she contacts them

[DogPaddle]

Thanks
Other issues aside, I think it would be decent of them to leave the house as is until he gets back and then give him 30 days to clear out - unless of course there is a huge demand for this type of housing.

[tx2478]

If he cant make it back they could hire someone to take care of the yard but depending on how quick the paperwork goes thru it would just be considered an emergency and they kick him out....they barely gave DAL neighbor alot of time before she has to move

[DogPaddle]

That is a shame, thanks again for the info though.

[Crystal]

due to recent things I am sure my opinion is not going to matter to anyone, but hey why not.

I don't think DAL is out for pity. I think this is a hard time for her and she was looking for some friends to confide in. I wasn't here when the other things went on so I don't know.

I went back and read the Zoey thing. Sounds like the dog is Justins and I understand the hard time DAL was having with her. She didn't give up though. She may have said she wasn't her dog, but I am sure in despite of that she has some good feelings for the dog. If she didn't she would have outed her a long time ago.

DAL may not have a bond with this dog, but that doesn't mean she doesn't care for her. Even with what she said in the past about wanting rid of her doesn't mean she doesn't care. Even with a stubborn dog feelings are developed. It has been a while since then and I am sure she cares more for Zoey now than she did at first.

I really feel bad for DAL as she is going through a tough time. It can't be easy to decide to end a marriage. Nor would it be easy to stay there and wait for Justin to come back. She wants a clean break and I understand that. I think she has made the best arrangements for Zoey possible. She will be with people she knows and that will care for her. I'm glad DAL had such a great option.

Divorce is nasty and I feel sorry for anyone who has to deal with it. I've seen some friends go through it and usually no one comes out without battle wounds. However everyone sees things differently. No one knows DAL's situation but her, so I will not be quick to judge. I will be here for support if she needs a friend in her tough time, regardless of if I agree with everything she does or not.

I am just sorry that life can't be perfect and that we must go through hard times. I think this will make DAL stronger as a person and I think she will go on to be happy and do great things. Even if you have been in a similar situation you haven't been in DAL's shoes exactly, so please try not to be to harsh. It won't do anyone any good to cause her any more pain than she is already dealing with. (even though she is the one deciding to leave it still is painful I am sure)

DAL, I'm here for ya. That may not be much in some peoples eyes, but it is what I have to offer. Good Luck with the new life and I'm sure things will be fine in the long run.

[pyrless]

DAL, you need to take care of you right now.
Everyone. This woman is making a life-altering decision after living apart from a husband who is in the crosshairs of death every day. Cut her some slack. Cut her a lot of slack. I know this is going to be hard for some of you to hear, but the most important thing right now is NOT THE DOG.
DAL, you are going to want to discuss the ownership issues with your lawyer, anyway. Each state is different.
I am sorry you are not getting the support you need here.
Good luck.