My Dog ALONE - Please help me!!

[Bubblezzz]

Ok, Cosmic is now 6 months old!!! :bday: :D :D

BUT, we have a problem... :(

My brother will be entering the army for National Service soon and that means that Cosmic will now be left alone for the most part of the day. :( :( :cry:

My brother won't be able to come home for the next 3 months, and after that, depending on which unit he's posted to & his duties, he might be home daily or just for weekends.

When we first decided to get Cosmic, this wasn't such a big problem, because my mum gets off on time pretty reliably everyday. She is usually the first home. We NEVER expected her to clean up after Cosmic, but it was a FAMILY AGREEMENT that Cosmic would be OUR responsibility. We agreed that she would come home and at least be with him and give him dinner, even if the cleaning had to be left to us. Now, that time has come that I need to depend on her but she is making my life a living hell. :(

She DENIES that she agreed to have Cosmic - a flat out lie! and refuses to have anything to do with him. My mother is the MOST ILLOGICAL human being I know. :( (saying "Yes" ISN'T agreeing??!!) But now that my brother won't be around, I NEED my mum to hold up her end of our agreement.

She usually gets home hours before us, but ever since Cosmic, she would make sure that someone was home (and the house cleaned) before she comes back. When my baby poops, she acts like a nuclear bomb exploded - she would wake me up at 5AM just to clean up his pee or poop!!!

We agreed (before all this) that we would ALL be responsible for Cosmic, but look at us now. :( I hardly speak to my mum, except to argue. Just last night, she asked what we're going to do with THE DOG since my brother won't be home often. She expects us to get rid of him or GIVE HIM AWAY or some idiotic thing like that!!! :evil: :cry: :evil: I would NEVER EVER OVER MY DEAD BODY GIVE UP MY BABY!!!!!! I HATE her for being so unreasonable.

Now, she flat out refuses to be the first home. By the time we make it back, Cosmic will have been all alone for 9 hours. :cry: He's extremely playful and extremely affectionate. He follows us around, banging our knees with his toys, trying to entice us into a game. What's he going to do all by himself waiting???? I feel SOOOO guilty and angry and helpless.

We are thinking of getting an older dog or a cat, just so that they can keep each other company. I know that our primary reason for getting him a friend is selfish. But I know that we can grow to love another animal too. At this point, I'm like, just screw whatever she says. :evil: Since we're already doing everything, we'd be happy to have another pet. And damn whatever she says.

We have treat-filled kongs, buster cubes and toys, but if there are 2 of them, at least they'd have each other during the hours we're not at home. I don't know what else I can do. :cry: :cry: :( :oops: What else CAN I do???

[Rowie-the-Pooh]

Bubbelzzz, I'm so sorry! :cry:

I'm not really sure. Rowie has someone with her at all times since our household has alot of people. Either my mom, my dad, my nanny, tour gardener, my grandfather(as if he helps! :roll:), and my grandfather's nurse.

But, I think the idea of getting another older animal is OK. But remember, it will be another animal to feed, clean, shelter, and for your mom to nag about.

Is there a way you can keep Cosmic with your BF and Floppy? Or maybe you can hire a Pet Sitter? There are alot of people who will stay with your pet, feed it, and play with it. People actually do it for a living! :D

Sorry, but I can't help much! :cry: Maybe the other members will provide help?

[Bubblezzz]

Thanks for replying Rowie.

:( I don't want to leave Cosmic with Floppy because I would miss him too much. Right now we see Floppy every Tuesday when we go for dinner and every weekend, when we bring both the dogs out. Floppy is walked everyday (his family are dog lovers) but she doesn't get 'babied' like Cosmic. :( (Unless it's by us)

I miss him when I'm at work Rowie. I miss him when I'm out with my friends. I FEEL like a mother. :o I know it's crazy, but he's my BABY.

We discussed getting a pet-sitter, but I found out today that they cost way more than we can afford. It also won't be a long-term solution. Another dog would be wonderful - I don't mind the cleaning, grooming or feeding at all. I already cook for both Floppy and Cosmic and frequently for my friends' dogs when we have doggie outings on weekends. One more to cook for won't matter. But my mum might possibly drive me insane. :(

[Rowie-the-Pooh]

Your most welcome Bubbelzzz! :D

Well, I say go for it! :D Maybe getting another dog will help. Get one from the sheter K? I think an older dog/cat would be best. A puppy or kitten is just too much work! :wink:

Good luck and keep us updated! :D

[size=2](Will your mom allow another dog? :o)[/size]

[mouseatthebusstop]

I do not agree with getting a second dog the way things are. I would try talking to mum again :) things have changed now. I do not think she would come in and ignore Cosmic. Choose a time when she is in a good mood :) good luck :)

[Bubblezzz]

Thanks Rowie and Mouse.

Unfortunately you're wrong Mouse. She does ignore Cosmic, consistently, everyday. :( I don't understand how that can be, but there you have it. The only comments she makes are the snide kind - like how I must have 'owed' the dog something in my past life etc. etc. Everytime I try talking to her, I give up. I'm sorry to say this about my own mum, but it's like the part of her brain that REASONS short-circuited.

And she is never in a good mood. :(

Now we hardly even talk. My brother is incredibly rude to her at times, but she lets him get away with that and a lot more. Somehow, when it comes to me, things are a lot different.

She has told all our relatives that she's been kicked out of her home because of the dog. All because she herself refuses to stay home alone with Cosmic. (In case he messes). She doesn't HATE him - I know that because she tries to feed him. (junk, but still it's the action that counts rite?) She's not AFRAID of him. I guess she just doesn't LIKE him. She'll say things like (when he's pooping) "Tell your dog to stop shitting!" or "Why can't he stop peeing?". My mum is NOT mentally challenged in any way, which makes it even worse. [/i][/list]

[Daisysmom]

Can't you hire a local teen to come in? They work a lot cheaper :wink:

[stacer126]

Thats a good idea Daisysmom.

[Daisysmom]

Thanks :lol: I have done it myself a few times when the family has taken vacations together.

[pei obssessed]

I was thinking that what you need is not somebody to be in the house with Cosmic for th whole time you're gone, but just a teen who loves dogs and who can take Cosmic out for a one-hour walk. And if you walk him before you leave and after you come back, he should be fine...
I wouldn't get another dog just because of the way your mom is... And I wouldn't talk to her more either, since it doesn't ever amount to anything else but you feeling miserable...

[Sanvean]

I totally sympathize...my mom also has a very selective memory (part of why I moved out when I turned 18 to go to college and never came back!).

I agree with the others. Hiring a local teen (or maybe even a retired person) who is home during the day to take Cosmic for a walk would be a great solution and probably fairly affordable.

[courtnek]

The teen is the way to go - they all want money, and if he/she's a dog lover, they'll like the work. Just have him/her show up every few hours and take the dog out for a while, then lengthen the time so that eventually
Cosmic can be left alone without messing up your moms house...

Your mom, unfortunately, sounds very unreasonable....but think about this for a moment - it could be completely wrong, but is there the possibility that she feels that you love Cosmic more than her? This would definitely make her resentful, which isnt helping the situation any...I ask this because
my mom did not like animals, but broke down and let us have a dog because my dad insisted (we were driving him insane pleading - he was more of a pushover than she was because he liked dogs). After about a year she started acting resentful of the dog, and one day when I came in after a walk she yelled at me - "you spend more time with the damn dog than you do with me!!!" and I yelled back "he treats me better than you do - he doesnt treat me like I'm basically stupid!" She never mentioned it again, until I was in my twenties and had to have him put down....she cried with me, and said she had always been jealous of the dog. She said she realized later that I was just being a teenager, but at the time she felt it very hard to think her daughter loved her dog more than her mom.....

Like I said, I could be wrong...but it's a thought. Parents dont always tell their kids what they're really thinking, just like kids dont always tell their parents.

Best of luck to you and Cosmic (and your mom)

[Bubblezzz]

Thanks for all your replies everyone.

Hiring a teen sounds like it might work, except kids here usually spend most of the morning/afternoon at school! :P I'm also a little worried about how trustworthy they might be with my dog and the keys to my house! (no offence to any teen here! :) ) But I'll discuss it with bf - hopefully my brother might have some younger friends who'd be wiling to help us out for a smaller sum.

BTW, what are the dog-walking rates at your countries? Over here, it's $25-$30 per hour!! :(

Cosmic also tends to make quite a mess when left alone - tearing up the papers etc. We left him alone for about 3 hours today to see what he'd do. We crated him in a pretty large area and left him some toys & 2 treat filled kongs. We also left the TV on. (Is that a good idea?) He made less of a mess than we thougt he would - but then our imaginations were running pretty wild! :P He'd torn up his papers & upset his water bowl... and he was so happy (??) to see us, he peed. :roll:

Courtnek, I won't really be surprised if my mum did feel that way... :-? This is callous, but there's nothing I can bring myself to do to help the situation. I've really had it with her.

Well, we'll take it one day at a time for now. :) We're still debating the friend for Cosmic decision... :-? It WOULD be really nice to have another dog... :wink:

[Guest Anonymous]

Sorry to hear about your troubles Bubblezzz, I hope that you will be able to sort things out with your mum in time :)

When I first left Millie on her own she was very destructive, chewing the wooden knobs off the kitchen cupboard doors and drawers :evil:

After a month or so of tellings off (when she chewed) and treats (when she behaved) I let her have the run of downstairs.

I also found that she was much better if she had something with my scent on it (sick dog :lol: ) and I too leave the TV on for her on a classical music channel :D

[Guest Anonymous]

Hello -

I admit I skimmed many of the replies - but how old is your baby? They can usually keep from having accidents in the house while you are away after they are about 9 months old - at least that is what I've found with my own and the ones I occasionally keep for the local adoption society.

Do you feel that crating the dog is cruel? I do not believe it is - but I know some do. Dogs usually sleep when there is no one there to stimulate them. Crating would help with the housebreaking - they really learn more quickly not to mess in their sleeping area. So long as it is NEVER used as punishment - crating when no one is home to supervise the dog is both safe and comfortable, with a blanket and toys.

Either way - I do not think getting a secong dog is a good idea - for 2 reasons - (1) I think it would alienate Mom further - and really - for the pups sake - that would not be good - Unless Mom has always wanted "XXX" kind-of-dog and she would get to choose the new dog. and (2) your time sounds a bit limited - and so too then the amount of attention you can share - Not ALL dogs bond to a second dog. Especially if they are a bit spoiled and do not want to share YOU.

Crating or leaving the dog in your private room - either way then mom does not have to face the mess. And your pup should do fine sleeping the day away so long as YOU are ready to spend time with her once you get home. Make your evenings as predictable as possible. Limit nights out to just a couple per week for things where pup cannot go with you. Take obedience or dog sport class to really make your time with her fun. Dogs love to learn new things that they can do to make you happy. And a well trained pup is even harder to resist!

With mom- It sounds like you've tried a lot - but what about this: yes - perhaps you and your brother should have waited until you were living independently before getting a puppy. Yes - perhaps she felt she had to agree to it - or maybe she did not know it would bother her to live with a puppy before one actually came into the house. But now this puppy is a part of your life - and you do NOT want to be one of those people who dumps a dog just because it has become inconvenient. It is not fair to the dog. The dog is not the villan here - it is the innocent caught in the middle. Take TOTAL responsibility for every moment of the dogs life. Be sure that even when you are home - you are taking her out on a schedule so that there are no accidents. Many young dogs need to be crated at night or sleep leashed to you so that you are awalkened at 4 am when they NEED to go out. Puppies are not for everyone - and even if your mom has liked DOGS in the past - Puppies and their energy can get on your last nerve. As much as I love dogs and as many as I foster for the adoption society - they always laugh at me when I take in a puppy because they know I'll be praying for it to be adopted quickly as soon as I set foot in my house! The cuter they are the more work they are - I'm convinced they were made that way just for survival purposes! :)

Please - do some fun training stuff with your pup to help her learn your expectations, and to burn off some of that puppy-energy.

Ask your mom what you can do - other than dumping your dog - to make te situation better - but to get her to even talk - you'll have to really take time to find something about her feelings that you can honestly say you understand and empathise with. I do not think you should get rid of this dog. You went out and sought the responsibility. And she at least agreed that it was ok for you to bear that responsibility in her house. Now you just need to find a common ground.
Good luck
DaneGirl
"Don't blame 'em, Train 'em!" :wink:

[Bubblezzz]

Hi Dane Girl,

The intention to 'dump' Cosmic has NEVER crossed my mind. Despite being a first-time dog owner, I understand the responsibilities of a dog. I know they are for life. I love my baby. He is MINE as I am his in EVERY way - I would NEVER give him up.

Cosmic is paper-trained because we live in a flat. He hardly has accidents with potty anymore. When my mum wakes me up at ridiculous times, it's not to clean up his accidents, but to clear his messed paper in a corner. (She CANNOT wait a minute, because she thinks his poop is disgusting). Maybe if you read the rest of the posts you would understand better.

Everybody, thank you for all the kind words... I'm sorry for all this whining... :oops: and I really appreciate all the suggestions. My brother & I are asking around to see if anybody we know who live in the area would be willing to walk Cosmic for a small fee.

We don't think Cosmic would be jealous if he had a new playmate because we've had dogs over quite a number of times. In fact, during those visits, he'd pretty much ignore us... :roll: If we do decide to take on another dog, it'll be an older one, from a rehoming organisation.

Bomber Harris, I can't believe I forgot about a scented article of mine! I'll give him my oldest jammy for a blanket - hopefully it helps. :) Thanks.

[pei obssessed]

We live in an apartment too, but our dog goes to the bathroom outside... and not to side with your mom (because she seems generally unreasonable), but when Hippo was in her first weeks with us and couldn't get through the night without going to the bathroom, I'd wake up and clean it because it smelled--I am a little obssessed, so maybe that's the reason :lol: But if Cosmic is 6 months now he should be able to go through the night without going to teh bathroom--you might wanna teach him to go to the bathroom only outside?

And about the older dogs--I noticed from the park that youngsters play together and older dogs tend not to play at all, they just walk about... So if you do end up getting a second dog, make sure their activity level (and age, I'd say) is close.

Goog luck with trying to find somebody to walk Cosmic...

[Guest Anonymous]

I read today that you can leave a puppy alone for about 1 hour per month old. So maybe cosmic can be left alone for 6 hours and be fine. I recommend keeping him in a crate just big enough for him - getting someone to walk him after that six hour period seems like the best bet. Why don't you ask your mom if you can pay her in some way to walk him after those six hours? You can make dinner or clean - try to come up with a solution that would work for both of you. If she is that stubborn to leave a poor puppy alone for so long she needs Dr. Phil!! She probably is doing this for a reason that has nothing to do with your dog -- that is the sad thing. Good luck!