Not coping real well...

[Aroura]

I'm so cut up about putting Lily to sleep, even though I knew it was the best, and only thing to do, I miss her so much and have been coping less and less as time goes by. I spent about half an hour bawling my eyes out this morning. I miss her so much, I want her back so bad... just had to share, library closing now, sorry I can't stay longer :cry:

[bk_blue]

Oh Jeanne, I'm sorry that you still feel guilty. I guess it's a natural reaction. It's not your fault and you did the right thing, Lily is in a better place now. I don't know what I can say to make you feel better. *hugs* Hopefully as time goes by you'll feel better about Lily and remember only the good times and not the bad. :angel:

[imported_Kat]

*hugs* you did all you could for your sweet Lily. She was just not destined for this world. Hows the little Whippet (diego?) doing?

[imported_nea]

I'm so sorry... :( I still feel horribly guilty when I think about Birk, who I re-homed after having him for a month. I can't imagine what it must feel like for you. :( You did all you could for Lily, and I'm sure she knew that. I'm sorry. :(

[Mutt_Lady]

It is always hard to lose a dog, even when you know it is what's best for him/her. You did the best you could as well as the right thing. Rest in peace, Lily.

[Guest Anonymous]

[quote name='Aroura']I'm so cut up about putting Lily to sleep, even though I knew it was the best, and only thing to do, I miss her so much and have been coping less and less as time goes by. I spent about half an hour bawling my eyes out this morning. I miss her so much, I want her back so bad... just had to share, library closing now, sorry I can't stay longer :cry:[/quote]

Aroura,

I do not know your exact situation, but it is obvious that you have lost and now you are hurting. I can't speak for everyone, but I can speak for myself, and I'm sure many, many, others when I say we have been there. The same tears you now cry have run down all of our cheeks. It seems a tear falls for all they shared with you, and all you will never forget. Every smile, every laugh, every walk and all the baths. Every dog you ever own will tag you with a paw print and leave a fresh set of tracks on your heart which you can follow within your thoughts. It's obvious you have much more love to share inside your heart...maybe put some thought into rescuing another and sharing some of that love again? I hope you feel better.

[Smooshie]

Auroura...Chin up hun. I know how hard this must be for you. I know how much you loved Lilly, and everything you went through for her. You know in your heart you did what was best for her. You should not feel guilty for that...you made the ultimate sacrifice for your girl...you let her go before something tragic could happen...that is what being a good responsible owner is all about. I know you miss her...you have so many memories of the 'good dog' she was. Cherish those, and instead of mourning her loss, celebrate her life.

I found this article posted on another board and I thought of you:

[quote]Dealing with the Guilt.

Guilt. It's a word that can invoke in us the deepest, most terrible feelings of loss, horror, anger, and helplessness. Why did I do what I did? Why couldn't I have done more? Did I kill my beloved pet? Did I not do enough? Did I do too much? Did I put him/her down too soon? Did I wait too long? If only I had closed the gate. If only I had noticed sooner. If only I had waited longer. If only I had more money. If only I had rushed to the vet sooner. If only I had known more at the time. If only I had listened to my gut feelings. If only I had gone to a better vet.

And we beat ourselves up for all these questions and "if-onlys". Why do we do this? Because we loved our pets. Because we wish we could have done more, or wish we had not done what we did.

But we cannot bring them back. We cannot change what we did or did not do.

What we can do is stop hurting ourselves over the guilt. Each of us, in our own way, did what we thought was right at the time, using what we knew and felt. Each of us tried to do the best we could, and did it with the intention of love.

We are human beings, with frailties and faults. We don't know everything. We make mistakes. But we make them with the best of intentions.

To hurt ourselves with the terrible additional pain of guilt is to do disservice to the love we felt for our pets. With very, very few exceptions, we did the best we knew to do at the time. Even if we feel that we didn't do what we should have, or did what we should not have, we have learned, and everyone will benefit from that knowledge now.

Our beloved pets are gone, and out of pain. We still torture ourselves with the pain of guilt and doubt. It's human to do that, too, but are we being fair to ourselves?

We loved, deeply, and that says that we have a deep capacity for love that many do not. We are basically good people. Should we not recognize that goodness, instead of inflicting pain on ourselves for what we could, or should, or should not have done?

We took in a beloved creature, and gave him or her everything we could. We petted, we walked, we fed, we changed litterboxes, we played, we stroked, we sat sleepless on difficult nights. We cared, and did everything we knew to do at the time. And we looked in their eyes, and knew they understood that we loved them, and knew that they loved us.

If we didn't know enough, or made an innocent mistake, do we believe that they did not understand, and love and forgive us in spite of it? I believe they did, and that they do.

We need to forgive ourselves. If we can, we can increase our knowledge, reach out to help others, and use our pain to make things better for our pets, for others' pets, and for those animals out there who are alone and lost. We can make a difference. But only if we quit hating ourselves, blaming ourselves, for being human.

Let the guilt go. Know that your furbabies don't blame you; they understand, because they know your heart. Let yourself forgive yourself, and allow all the love you have to be there for another. There are so many who need it.

Learn, and then teach. Keep learning, and don't stop. Every pebble of knowledge and caring you send out will ripple throughout the world, and keep growing. And perhaps in time, every animal will be loved, and well-cared for, and there will be a great golden age for the animals, and for those of us who love them.


Ginger-lyn Summer
September 10, 1999 [/quote]

Hugs and warm thoughts (and big boxer slurps from Loki and Lyra).

[BuddysMom]

Wow there are some beautiful posts here. I don't know exactly what you went through with your Lily but of course you did the right thing ... read what the others have posted, let it out (cry!) and then let time do its healing.

[ObedienceGrrl]

I always wondered why they won't make the decision for you. Haven't you wondered? But maybe we already know why.

Trust.

They trust us totally with their lives. I sill miss my Scooter terribly. It will be three years this month (this weekend, actucally) that we lost her. She was 17. She was my angel. My everything.

Does the pain go away? I guess we all know the answer to this one. Not completely. But it dulls.....as it is replaced with memories of wonderful times. Times spent lying together....telling secrets....crying on a furry shoulder....hugs in the middle of the night. And still, even now, there are times when I cry out loud. But it's okay.....we are humans with strong and powerful emotions.

And we are also humans with so much love to give and to share. All of us who have lost a special companion feel your sorrow. Our hearts ache along wtih yours as we remember how we dealt with our angels who have left us. But our strength will reach out to you in your time of need.....just as yours will reach back to ours if we would need you.

[mouseatthebusstop]

you will get days when you feel like the - it's almost three years since we lost Alice but today would have been her 7th birthday
you did the right thing -you were very brave at the time- [color=blue](((((huggs)))))[/color]

[Aroura]

Thanks guys, I know I can always rely on you for sympathy when I need it most. Desertlady, I am crying, I'm crying so much, Smooshies post triggered it, every time I see a Boxer I can't help but cry, but then all the other posts added to it, and now I'm just crying so much again :cry:

bk, I do remember the good times, thats all I do remember, and thats half the reason I'm always so upset. The funny thing is, at the time of course I was upset and missed her, but I coped. Then it started, every time I'd see a Boxer I'd cry, then about once a week, and now I'm having a good cry pretty much every day, even when I'm out I can't hold it in. Its not guilt though, I know I did what I had to do, but I think I've realised that I'll never come close to replacing her, she was so loyal, so obedient, so brilliant, but... so aggressive :cry: Another reason why I think I'm coping so poorly now is because I've looked into getting another Boxer, I want to replace her, but with out the aggessiveness, and its so upsetting that I will never get another dog like her, but also, common sence tells me I can't get another Boxer right now, for starters Diego is still a pup, but also, I don't have a job, don't have a drivers licence yet... obviously they can be changed, but the big reason I can't get one now is because I want to have kids in the next few years, would a baby be able to handle a Boxer? They are so boisterous.... thats the big reason I've decided against it.


I miss her hugs, I miss her games, her loving looks, her slobber, even her gorgeous yet gross burps. She always used to come up to me after a meal, sit and burp at me, like in those countries where you burp in appreciation, I'm sure thats what she was doing...


I also think another reason I've been so upset is because I haven't really had access to dogo, you guys really know how to cheer me up, thankfully though I just got my gorgeous new computer yesterday so I have the net. Yayyy!!!!!!

And of course, the very last reason why I think I'm so upset about Lily is because Josh is away, he's been gone for over a month now, Lily always gave the best cuddles and I'd give the world right now to have her shoulder to cry on :cry: :cry: :cry: