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Cat Owners should be put down


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News item: Ordinary household cats can carry the SARS virus and spread it to other animals -- probably including humans, says a Dutch study.

Yes, and they are also responsible for the slaughter of hundreds of millions of birds, the soiling of innumerable down comforters, the malicious shredding of drapes and bare legs, and the break-up of the Beatles. (Well, no, that was Yoko Ono; she just sings like a cat.)

So it is not surprising to learn that the next dreaded pandemic could be spread not by an irate Iraqi bio-terrorist, but by a purring Persian with Whiskas on its breath and murder in its heart.

Not, I should hasten to add, that I have anything against cats. No, I made the mistake of leaving that misconception in a column five years ago, and am just now recovering from the blistering vitriol hurled my way in response. "A disgrace to the name human being," one letter writer called me. "Despicable," wrote another. "Disgusting." "Hateful." "Abhorrent." (I didn't even know Mother could spell "abhorrent.")

Therefore, to be perfectly clear, let me stress once again that I bear our feline friends no ill will. They are just as God made them: pestilential, savage, cunning psychopaths, as dangerously unpredictable as Mike Tyson, as mean as Martha Stewart with half a gallon of sloe berry wine in her belly and a glue gun in her hand. Like rattlesnakes, scorpions and Albertans, cats cannot be blamed for being what they are, and should never be harmed.

Cat owners, on the other hand, should be put down.

What are they thinking? These must be the same people who golf in lightning storms and heckle Hells Angels at traffic lights. A cat is not a pet, it's a furry hand grenade, except that you can tell when a grenade is going to explode.

One moment it's a contented kitty, happily horking up a hairball in your lap, and the next it's not just biting the hand the feeds it, but taking off the entire arm. Cat owners are nothing but dog owners with a death wish.

They may pretend, if they want, that Puffball is a cute and cuddly bundle of love, as playful and gentle as Rusty the Rooster with a two-beer buzz. Truth is, Rusty would be reduced to a bag of bloody feathers if a cat got at him. That's why the Friendly Giant kept those musical kittens in another room.

It is only physical limitation that prevents the common housecat from doing a Sylvester to our Tweety, hunting us down like it does so many other creatures. The Virginia-based American Bird Conservancy is all aflutter about domestic cat predation, issuing a report with the following statement: "Nationwide, cats are estimated to kill hundreds of millions of birds and more than a billion small mammals, such as rabbits, chipmunks, squirrels and shrews each year." Of course, these statistics are from the U.S., where there is a culture of violence and cats have easy access to handguns and assault weapons.

Still, Canadians are not immune. Last week we read the story of an elderly Toronto woman who experienced fainting spells and vomiting as a result of allowing her nine-kilogram cat to sleep on her neck, which put pressure on her carotid artery.

You cannot really blame the cat for this, though odds are that it would, if given the potent combination of opportunity and opposable thumbs, have choked the woman like a chicken, then taken off with her car. A dog would never do this. Chase a car, sure. But steal it? Never.

Cat owners sniff that dogs are nothing more than servile, Pavlovian strumpets who react to the slightest hint of affection by rolling on their backs and wriggling with joy, just like middle management. Cats, their owners tell us, are made of better stuff, are eager to please no one but themselves, are much more independent. Just like Jack the Ripper.

But that still doesn't explain why a human would want to own -- or, more accurately, feed -- one. Yet own them they do, 6.43 million of the critters, according to the Humane Society of Canada.

The humane society issued a statement Friday urging people not to be alarmed by the Dutch study. Remain calm and keep perspective, it said. Although it appears cats can catch SARS from humans, there is no evidence that the animals can transmit the disease to people.

Of course, they probably would if they could.


Jack Knox: [email][email protected][/email]
Editor: [email][email protected][/email]

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Here's my letter :evil: (note: i've never written a letter like this before)


Jack Knox,

You've heard it once, and you'll hear it again. You disgrace humans. Us humans never cease to amaze me. Drag PitBulls by cars to kill them. Shoot-dogs on site just because they MAY bite.. Why don't we shoot people on site, because they MAY be holding a weapon?

Cat owners should be put down... Then so should the people who work every second of their lives trying to save wild-life. Because of us, many animals have become extint, and ARE becomming extinct. The beautiful tigers are falling, lions territory shrinks, and trees continuously fall.

There is something in this world called a 'life'. Anything with a heart has a 'life'. I'm guessing you must be one of those rare people who don't have a heart.

Don't speak from your mind when your so-called heart can't have it's say. I demand that you work in a shelter and put every animal that steps in there to sleep. And before you do, look into those eyes and try to read its mind. They will say, "I was once loved, I once kept feet warm, and filled joy into many people and children. Where did my family go? What did I do wrong?" Just because they moved into a no-pets apartment because of people like YOU.
People like you make animals endangered. People like you don't know that 90% of all murders start with killing animals. Are you going to be the next murder because of your hate for animals? Could be. If you don't have the heart to even strike a helpless kitten, then you probably won't have the heart to strike a person. If you have no respect for life, then you are the one that should be put down. I have a respect for all life. Even those creepy little venomous spiders. No animal should be killed just because someone hates it.

What has a cat ever done to you? You must have never met a decent cat owner in your life. Cat's love laying on your lap, purring, kneading you with their sharp claws all in love. Yes, they do hold a grudge when abused, but don't we humans also? The cat won't be mad if you're late from work, poor, can't live indoors, eats the worst food you can possibly find. All they want is loved, petted, and most importantly, understood.

Do your fair share of research before you attack anything straight on. You should not qualify as "Times Colonist", all writers know that you must be careful what you say, or you can be sued for personal damaged or be held liable. But you didn't say that person directly? Oh yes you did. You just insulted ALL cat owners. One day, when you're taken to court, don't say I didn't tell you so.

By the way, did you know humans are scientifically called animals? Kill all of us cat-lovers if you want, but then you'll never meet one person who has a heart.

Emily Jackson - Cat Owner


Whatcha think? :evil:

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