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Dogomania

Saying good bye?


Guest Anonymous

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Hillside, I am not slamming you, but I can see by your previous post and also your sig that you dont believe DAL should do this. I have been divorced, and I can feel her pain in this situation.it really isnt about Zoey at all, its about making a major life decision, and all the repurcussions that come with it. Perhaps you dont believe in divorce. Perhaps you feel (and I get this thought from your sig) that military men in action should never have to go through this...being a military wife is extremely difficult for some people, just like being a cops wife. your mate is in harms way all day every day. some people simply cannot handle that. fear eats you up inside. Perhaps never getting married would have been the best thing, but how mature were any of us at 19?

would I wish she could work this out? yes. Do I accept the fact that she cannot? also yes. please dont judge her till you've walked in her shoes.
simply put, some people simply cannot be miltary wives. Do I wish her original decisions in getting married at all were better? yes. Can that wish stop this? no. give her some slack, and let her go on with her life. there is no point in staying united with someone who you no longer love. that causes more harm then good.

and as far as support, I personally cant think of any issue where she didnt at least listen to what I had to say. she may have disagreed, but I can accept that, and not take it personally. there is no one on the planet who will absolutely agree about everything. thats what makes us all unique. whether it becomes a battleground depends on whether the opposing parties are willing to agree to disagree....

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courtnek, how do you know that hillside hasn't walked in DAL's shoes? How do you know any of us haven't? Perhaps not a divorce and maybe not to a person in the police/military, but a relationship breakup, or parents divorcing can be just as if not more traumatic and that trauma is entirely subjective. With all due respect it's not that simple.

pyrless: and I would argue that posting this in the EAD section about THE DOG, yes concerning THE DOG, would get up the backsides of every dog owner and lover here who are primarily concerned about the dog's best interests, not the person's. Perhaps NDR would have been a more appropriate place to post if DAL was looking for some sort of support for her decision. You post in a public forum about your personal life and you open yourself up to criticism. That's how it goes.

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Just my own little personal disclaimer just because it's what I do...

When I post to these threads, I'm only offering input on the face value of what I read. With this thread, as well as in threads of the past, I had no idea there were underlying issues that contributed to others' input and opinions. Admittedly, I don't always read every single thread and I'm sure it makes a difference in things I miss that may seem blatantly obvious to others.

I say this in all sincerity, so if it sounds smart*ssy, it's not meant to be...
I'm very sorry DAL is in the position she's in, regardless of what's brought her there, and I also hate that Hillside feels... dissed (work with me... I couldn't think of a better word :oops: )? I feel right like crap about that because I apparently missed some very important things by "skimming" threads, and I wish I had caught on and been more supportive, myself. :(


Anyhow, that's all. Peace. 8)

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[quote]When I post to these threads, I'm only offering input on the face value of what I read. With this thread, as well as in threads of the past, I had no idea there were underlying issues that contributed to others' input and opinions[/quote]

I'm with HF on this one. I had no idea about the other issues that may or may not have been influencing other people's posts.

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[quote name='courtnek']I dont BK. that should have said "unless" instead of "until. for that I apologize. but by your own post you acknowledge that everyone's response to certain situations can be different...why cant DAL's?[/quote]

Oh, I'm not getting her to give up her right to the way she feels. But my opinion concurs with Corrie's on this. :wink:

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Court, my sig has nothing to do with this situation, I changed it before I ever read or responded to any of these posts and I have been away from my computer for the better part of the last two weeks, actually since the begining of April( when Ryan got back from Iraq) I have only been in town or not otherwise occupied for a short time. I'm still working on catching up on threads on here and my various other message boards. It's a rough job.

My response to Pyr didn't concern just me.

It's not that I agree/disagree with Deaf's decision, but how much sympathy should she get for getting rid of a dog that she doesn't really like and has wanted to be rid of for quite a while in the first place? I would say, not too much. She's mentioned it several times over on these boards.

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ok then. If she really doesnt like, and wants to get rid of, the dog in the first place, is it in the dogs best interest to stay with her? If she has said before she doesnt want Zoey, why would anyone argue her point to give Zoey to Justin's parents, who apparently will care for Zoey and hold her
until Justins return?

It bothers all of us when someone doesnt bond with, or doesnt want a particular dog...should they then keep the dog anyway? or find it a home with someone who could bond with it, and love it better than they can?
If Zoey was Justins dog, an DAL cant bond with her, even though she may like her, what is eventually best for Zoey?

we tend to say "keep trying"...even when the outcome may not be the best for either the dog or the owner. in this case, the dog will eventually be reunited with the man she's bonded with, and the parents will keep her safe until then.

is this a bad thing?

sometimes it just doesnt work out...

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I would just like to make a point about re-homing older dogs and the separation issue.
I have been on the uk sheltie rescue for years and have come across this broken marriage problem many times but I have to say in the long term the dogs settle down with the people who gives them loving care & a sense of security as this is what they need more than anything.
They may miss their dog companion but will love having all the attention for themselves.
Since Zoey is going to people she know and loves this will not be so upsetting for her and the bonus is she will have Justin when he gets back.
Do not be so quick to judge DAL you never know what you would do in the same situation
I have heard many similar stories in the rescue job and pray to God that you or I will never be put in this position
[b] DAL[/b] You are doing you best for Zoey and do not let anyone tell you different
If you did not care the poor dog could be in the pound or worse.
Thanks for caring about her welfare

Ickle

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[quote]ok then. If she really doesnt like, and wants to get rid of, the dog in the first place, is it in the dogs best interest to stay with her? If she has said before she doesnt want Zoey, why would anyone argue her point to give Zoey to Justin's parents, who apparently will care for Zoey and hold her
until Justins return? [/quote]

That's what I think, thanks Court.

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I try to take a back seat when it comes to personal issues on this board because I've learnt in the past that arguing usually causes more stress than its worth. Dal all i can say is good luck. I'm sorry that you are being slammed on Dogo here and I really don't think thats fair. You have to make huge decisions right now; about your marriage and about your living arrangements and of course about Zoey and that certainly isn't easy for you I am quite sure.

If Justin's parents are happy with taking Zoey then that would be great. Zoey will adapt. Dogs cope far better than humans do. Focus on getting your life back on track and being happy again, because happiness is what makes life worth living.

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I just re-read this and I think maybe we all missed the point. All DAL was asking really was how to say goodbye. Well I guess you just give her a hug and tell you that even though you were not best of friends you still cared for her. I know maybe dogs can't understand all of what we say, but still talk to her, maybe not so much so she will understand but so you can be at peace with this part of your situation. Tell her that you are doing what is best for her and you hope she has a great happy life. Followed by some wonderful treat. Wish I would have thought of that to begin with.

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I know I don't know the whole story. I can only attempt to pick up on what has happened since I've been here. I just can't see DAL not have some feelings towards this dog if she has cared for it this long. Dispite of the past and how she may have felt I'm sure it is still hard for her to just ditch the dog. I think she is taking into consideration how the dog will feel. The dog does't understand and I think DAL wishes to ease her transition. Being someone who has had the doggy blues I guess I understand DAL. Dogs can drive you nuts one minute and steal your heart the next. JMO

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hillside, there's no need to get snarky with me, i was expressing my own opinion on the matter and I don't know your past with DAL.
Although, whoever said (sorry, i forgot :roll: ) that the EAD section is not the right place for this topic has a point...i don't think DAL meant for this to escalate in this manner, however.
At any rate, it may not be as simple as who wants/doesn't want/can or can't take the dog. Unfortunately in most states dogs are "property" and as everyone knows division of property can be very contentious in a divorce. Ultimately this will probably be for a judge or mediator to decide, as tasteless as that may seem, based on who bought the dog, who provided most of its care, etc.

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[quote name='pyrless']Although, whoever said (sorry, i forgot :roll: ) that the EAD section is not the right place for this topic has a point...i don't think DAL meant for this to escalate in this manner, however.[/quote]

I just wanted to point out that this is not the first time DAL has posted something looking for sympathy rather than honest opinions and arced up because some members' views don't concur with her own. Those threads have been in NDR, though, and the really nasty ones, as hillside said, were deleted some time ago. Anyone with any foresight would have seen that a thread on trying to garner support for "having" to rehome a dog she by her own admissions was trying to get rid of anyway would have escalated into what it is now.

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Pyr, I was in no way being snarky with you, I was merely pointing out a very valid fact as to why some of us weren't being supportive. Had I been snarky, my response would have been much much different. Pointing out a different side of things is not being snarky. Nor do I think that those of us who aren't being supportive and are offering other sides of things need to be lectured about what she is going through. ( that last bit isn't directed to anyone specifically, just in general.) Many of us have or are going through similar situations.

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Guest Anonymous

[quote name='JackieMaya']I think everyone overreacted (myself included). You think we should just put this issue to bed? :)[/quote]

yes please...

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Guest Anonymous

Wow.....
DAL, I am so sorry you have to go through the troubles of divorce.
I find it unfortunate that the dog is more important to some than you are.
Whats funny about me... I actually agree with both sides of these issues (although I dont think the happiness of the dog is as important as DALs happiness).
Just about anyone who says DAL is looking for sympathy is probably right, but also the pot calling the kettle black. I think just about all of us have posted something that gets sympathy from other board members, whether looking for it or not.... Dog needs surgery, my dog died, personal struggles.... Thats what we are here for though, is it not? To offer support when it is needed? To give the sympathy that some feel they need? To give someone a place to get things off their chest? To offer a place where someone can get 100 different opinions from people they trust and respect?
Just a little note... I have a friend I have known since the 3rd grade. She has always been one of those people who is always looking for sympathy. I dont give her the sympathy she is looking for but I do let her know that NO MATTER WHAT, I will always be there for her. Thats what friends are for... (keep smilin', keep shining, knowing you can always count on me, for sure... you all are SO lucky you cant hear me sing that tune!).
[color=red]Be happy that she is at least being truthful. After some of the other members we have seen through here looking for sympathy from their lies.[/color]

For anyone with loved ones overseas fighting for my freedom... Tell them thank you and we pray for a safe return home.

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