coastie_wife Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 This spring I had to leave my family (2 dogs, husband and 7 yr old son) to go stay with my mother and father while my father dealt with some health problems (we lived in SW Alabama, family was in the DC area) for a period of 2 months. During those 2 months, my husband and son were prepping for a cross-country move. My husband chose to leave one of our dogs (an 11 month old beagle/terrier mix) with his brother and new wife, the other (9 month old chihuahua mix) with his mother. Our son also went back and forth between the two, while my husband searched for a home in our new area of residence. It has been a month since we retreived our dogs, and although our female (the chi mix) is the same aggressive, pain in the ass lovable little dog she always was, our beagle/terrier mix has become extremely fearful and passive. He now cowers every time either of us come near him to pick him up or when he's had an accident. He NEVER did these things before. When my son was returned to us, we discovered his aunt had not given him his allergy medicine all week. She explained that at 7 he should be old enough to remember it himself (he only began taking it 3 weeks before, and she doesn't have any children, so she's never raised any or taught any, lol). She also returned all of his clothes dirty, because he didn't tell her he needed them washed. She also returned him sunburned and peeling despite the sunblock we gave her when he was left in her care because 'he didn't put it on'. He is very fair haired and fair skinned. It's pretty clear to me she's at the very least neglectful. His cousin (who is her stepson and the same age as him) is allowed to stay up well after midnight when he visits (I know this because she allowed my son to do the same--when he said he was tired around 11pm she sent him to bed).....but the reaction of my dogs tells me she just *might* be abusive as well. Now she's offering to take my son and my dogs again *any time*....and I just don't know what to say.....at this point I don't think I'd trust her with my tortoise....and she's also asking for good recommendations for them to take in a foster child.... I guess my question would be....am I the only one who is blown away at the aspect of: a. leaving my child, dog or plant with this woman due to the previous reception and b. would you give someone who did these things (someone you've known only less than a year since that's the duration of the relationship) a good response to whoever does the interviews regarding foster children? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smooshie Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 :o Well, judging from your dog's strange behaviour, and your son's neglect...I would : a. never leave my child or animals with her again, even for a SECOND :-? b. certainly NOT recommend her to care for a foster child ! Even if her neglectful treatment of your son was out of sheer ignorance, it goes to show how truly incompetent she is to care for children...it pains me to hear she has a young stepson! I [i]would[/i] however, refer her to some parenting classes...at least until she learns that a 7 yr old should not be left responsible to take his own medication....... :roll: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanie Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 Ditto. I would not leave my child or dog with anybody I felt was not properly fit to care for them. End of story. No further explanation should ever be needed. Your family is your life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
courtnek Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 Cripes, NO! she expected a 7 year old to remember to take his own medicine? and put on his own sunblock? My kid is 17 and needs to be reminded of things now and then. and the way your dog is acting makes me suspicious that she may be the old school "smack 'em when they misbehave" type... no, I wouldnt leave your son or dog with her again. And I would not recommend her to take in another child. She would need some serious parenting classes first. I take it the dad probably does most of the work with the stepson.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coastie_wife Posted July 23, 2004 Author Share Posted July 23, 2004 Yeah, his uncle does real well when dealing with the kids....much more so than his new wife. The real hard part for me is that I *like* the new wife, much more so than the previous one. The problem is her foster children thing......obviously I'm not the only one who finds her parenting skills lacking....and I'm just not one of those parents who is overboard with the protection issue, be it dogs or human kids :wink: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horsefeathers! Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 What's REALLY scary (among other things) is this thought... what if your kid realized he had forgotten his medication, oh say, 4 days later and thought, in the way that kids do, that he needed to take 4 days' worth of medication at once to "catch up?" Geez, I reckon it would be all his fault if he got poisoned since, at 7 years old, he should have known better. This gal doesn't need goldfish, let alone kids. :-? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imported_Debbie Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 :-? I agree with Lyn 100% !!!! Your son didn't get much better care than the dog did obviously....... :o I think it's clear by the way your dog is reacting that it was abused by "someone". :( I certainly would not recommend her for any kids, more like I think she needs a visit from Social Services !!! :-? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Anonymous Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 :o holy cheese and rice batman! i toally agree with EVERYONE on this.. never leave your kids or dogs with this lady! she might not have hit your son, cuse he can tell you, but hte poor dog, can't tell you.. did you ask your son if maybe he saw her hit the dog? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubblezzz Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 [quote] What's REALLY scary (among other things) is this thought... what if your kid realized he had forgotten his medication, oh say, 4 days later and thought, in the way that kids do, that he needed to take 4 days' worth of medication at once to "catch up?" Geez, I reckon it would be all his fault if he got poisoned since, at 7 years old, he should have known better. This gal doesn't need goldfish, let alone kids[/quote] :o I can SO see this happening. :o I think you have to separate your liking for this woman with being truthful. If your letter of recommendation helps with their application, you would be indirectly responsible for the fate of that child. :-? Maybe you could sit her down and tell her gently that it really takes a LOT (of what she DOESN'T have... Lol!) to be a mom and a caregiver? And explain that kids are KIDS for a reason? I wouln't trust her with my pet ant, much less my dog. :-? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mouseatthebusstop Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 [size=7][color=red]DITTO[/color][/size] As for the fostering of chilren you would be wrote to privately there is no way you could give her a refference Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cairn6 Posted July 24, 2004 Share Posted July 24, 2004 I am appalled by how you described the treatment of your child that is completely unexceptable. A 7 year old child is not going to remember his medication and certainly not going to know the best time for him to go to bed. She sounds like she doesn't have a whole lot of common sense to me. As was said before by the others I certainly would not allow her to care for your child or your dogs again. I do understand though that being family it can be tough to turn them down when they ask but just don't let them know you need a babysitter at all if possible. But you may have to explain the situation at some point but I understand your reluctance to do so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DogPaddle Posted July 26, 2004 Share Posted July 26, 2004 One more on the NO side. Do not enable this person to be given care of a child who likely will already have issues and special needs. She is not prepared and even though it may cause tension to deny her a recomendation your responsibility, to prospective foster children and society, is not to. I hope your son and dog are recovering nicely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coastie_wife Posted July 27, 2004 Author Share Posted July 27, 2004 Thanks so much to everyone who replied to my dilemma. I really don't think she's outright abusive as much as clueless, be it 'fur' children or regular children she is borderline neglectful. The good thing is that we have not yet been contacted about the recommendation on foster children......I know I cannot in good consience give her one, but haven't decided exactly how to approach that situation yet. Thanks again, Copper :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.