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Dogomania

Letter to the Dogs..


meehs

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I don't know if this has been posted here before but a friend just e-mailed it to me and it cracked me up!

Dear Dogs:

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two dogs in the way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but doggy sarcasm.

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years, canine attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog's butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.


Rules for non pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets.

1. The dog lives here. You don't.

2. If you don't want dog hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

3. I like my dog a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, she's a dog. To me, she's an adopted daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

5. Dogs are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the pups.

The same applies to cats, except they ignore you until you are asleep.

Please pass this on to those who appreciate the humor (and truth).


If there are no dogs in heaven , then when I die I want to go where they did.

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[quote name='courtnek']The stairs and the bathroom seem to be our issue!! LOL

Why do children, dogs and cats INSIST on being in the bathroom with you???

:D[/quote]

LOL, I hear you there courtnek. It's my children that's the problem with the bathroom thing. Nostalgia just insist's on being right by the door, so when I come out of the bathroom I trip over her. :-?
Now I just have to try and use my bathroom time when the kids are taking their nap. I also get up early to use the bathroom and wait til the kids go to bed. It also helps if your spouse is home so he can distracte them while you have your bathroom time. :roll:
The things we have to do when we have children and fur-babys. :roll:
But we love them dearly. :buzi:

[img]http://sc.groups.msn.com/tn/DB/60/Woofit/1a/14f.jpg[/img]

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[quote name='courtnek']The stairs and the bathroom seem to be our issue!! LOL

Why do children, dogs and cats INSIST on being in the bathroom with you???

:D[/quote]

It's an issue here too.

Picture this-

Sally is laying at the entrance to the bathroom, Rocket standing in the middle whining , Sandy in front of me trying to push Pumpkin out of my lap (yes, he insists on sitting in my lap while I pee) and Miss Kitty hiding behind the shower curtain batting at it trying to get me to play with her.

I did not make this up, it actually happens, mostly when I first get home and don't say my hello's first.

:angel:

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[quote name='"Rosebud"']

Picture this-

Sally is laying at the entrance to the bathroom, Rocket standing in the middle whining , Sandy in front of me trying to push Pumpkin out of my lap (yes, he insists on sitting in my lap while I pee) and Miss Kitty hiding behind the shower curtain batting at it trying to get me to play with her.

Ha Ha :lol: That sounds like my house !! I haven't had any privacy in the John in 24 years :o !! If it wasn't a kid breaking in on me, it was one of the dogs and our cat does the same thing, only he does it to scare the dogs !! :lol:

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